Helping Children

Parents are very protective of their children particularly at a young age. As such when they believe circumstances warrant it, they will remove them or keep them from getting involved in certain occurrences or events.

When death occurs, funeral directors are often asked by those who have young children and are mourning the loss of a loved one, whether they should bring them to a funeral home or allow them to attend the funeral or burial services. In responding to this question it helps to consider the emotions children feel when facing a loss.

Development studies and observations made in natural and clinical settings indicate that children are aware of death at an early age. A child does not begin with realization that death is inevitable and final but does quickly grasp the implication of separation and loss.

Grief According to Age

Birth to 18 months: Babies cannot ask questions however; they do experience loss, for example, of a parent. They sense a change in their environment or schedule and often become fussy and develop sleep problems. During this time it is important to offer extra comfort and soothing.

Toddlers (19 months to 3 years): A toddler's concept of death is hard to grasp. In their favorite cartoon the character dies in one episode and returns in the next. They often confuse death with sleeping. Toddlers know something has occurred in their lives, but they have no concept of death and expect the loved one to come back.

Young Children (3-10 years): Young children begin to have some concept of death and realize its finality. They ask a lot of questions which are often repeated. They may also feel insecure and unsafe in their usual environment. For example, a child who loses her mother may wonder who will braid her hair each morning, take her to school or prepare her lunch. This is how the child may express her loss. The questions children ask are not selfish. Children need to be reassured that they will be taken care of.